Author Archives: Matt Novak

North Korea Preparing For New Nuclear Tests in April According to Experts

With each passing week, the rhetoric about nuclear war between the United States and North Korea becomes more bold from each side. And this weekend was no different.Read more… Continue reading

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What Will Elon Musk and Tim Cook Do For Trump’s New ‘Office of American Innovation’?

Tech titans like SpaceX’s Elon Musk, Apple’s Tim Cook, and IBM’s Gini Rometty have all met with President Trump during his first two months in office. But it was always under a cloud of suspicion about the true motives of tech’s biggest names. We now have a hint about Phase II of Operation Tech Oligarchy.

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A Middle Eastern Airline Is Scorching Trump’s Electronics Ban on Twitter

Starting this week, anyone flying on Royal Jordanian’s routes to the United States from cities like Amman won’t be allowed to bring any electronic device bigger than a smartphone into the cabin. And Royal Jordanian is expressing its displeasure with some next-level subtweets.

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Florida Man Accidentally Destroys at Least 10 Homes While Burning Books

If you’re looking to get rid of old books, there are plenty of places to donate them. Unfortunately, a man in Florida didn’t know that and has destroyed between 10 to 15 homes in a fire that’s still raging in Nassau County.

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EpiPens Recalled For Failing to Work

People around the world depend on their EpiPen to work in the case of life-threatening allergic reactions. But two people recently found out the hard way that their EpiPens were faulty. As a result, the makers of EpiPen are recalling over 81,000 EpiPens in Norway, Denmark, Finland, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and…

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Senator Asks Supreme Court Nominee If He’d Rather Fight 100 Duck-Sized Horses or One Horse-Sized Duck

Neil Gorsuch is poised to be the next Supreme Court justice of the United States, filling a spot that’s been vacant for over a year. Gorsuch will wield enormous power and help shape the country’s laws for generations to come. And Republican Senators aren’t afraid to ask him the tough questions: Like would you rather…

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Remember That Adorable Turtle That Had 1,000 Coins Removed From Her Stomach? She’s Dead Now.

Remember that story about a turtle in Thailand, nicknamed Piggy Bank, that had almost 1,000 coins removed from her stomach? The turtle that tourists used to feed coins hoping for good luck, before vets saved her, pulling out 11 pounds of coins? Well, she’s dead now.

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US Bans Electronic Devices on Flights From 8 Muslim Countries in ‘Muslim Ban by a Thousand Cuts’

A former Trump administration official has called it “a Muslim ban by a thousand cuts.” And another slice was taken this morning.

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Jeff Bezos, Aspiring Supervillain, Tests Out Gigantic Robot Suit

What would you do if you were a billionaire? Elon Musk is trying to get to Mars. Peter Thiel wants to live forever. And Jeff Bezos, well, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos apparently wants to rule the world in a gigantic robot. At least that’s the impression you might get from the photos and video taken yesterday.

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Marijuanaville Trademark Denied for Similarities to Margaritaville, a ‘State of Mind Inspired by Margaritas’

With legalization sweeping the country, the number of trademark filings for marijuana-related products are through the roof. But when a shop recently tried to register Marijuanaville, Jimmy Buffett contested the trademark, claiming that it was too close to his own Margaritaville. And the US Patent and Trademark Office…

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US Won’t Rule Out Preemptive Military Strike Against North Korea

Folks in the Western Hemisphere who are just waking up might be wondering what the hell is going on with North Korea and Japan. The short answer: Everybody is preparing for war.Read more… Continue reading

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Hundreds of Twitter Accounts Hacked with Swastikas Through Third Party App ‘Twitter Counter’

A number of Twitter accounts, including major brands and institutions are getting hijacked right now. Everyone from Duke University to major fast food outlets to Nike Spain are getting hacked with a swastika and a reference to April 16th, a date when a referendum will be held in Turkey to give President Erdogan more…

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Trump Learned How to Thread Tweets, But He Already Screwed It Up

Since he was elected president, Donald Trump has become a big believer in the multi-part tweet. But he never threaded his tweets to make sure that they all stayed together. Until today, that is. The only problem? He’s now threading tweets together that have nothing to do with each other.

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Peter Thiel’s Spy Connections Under Scrutiny in New Zealand After Secret Citizenship Revealed

The government of New Zealand released Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel’s citizenship paperwork, after it was revealed that he had become a citizen under unusual circumstances. But that paperwork only contains a single mention of Thiel’s global spy software company, Palantir. And New Zealand media are now…

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Republicans Actually Named an Obamacare Replacement Bill the ‘World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017’ and I Think I Might Be Losing My Mind Oh Fuck This Can’t Be Real Life 

You know how Obamacare’s real name is The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act? Well, guess what Republicans recently submitted as an official name of what might eventually become known as Trumpcare? The World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. That’s what it’s really called.

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What Is The Federal Reserve Trying to Hide About Donald Trump’s Relationship With Reptilians?

It’s safe to say that conspiracy theories are officially mainstream. The president of the United States tweets out a new one every week. But perhaps no civilian government agency has been the target of more conspiracy theories over the past few decades than the Federal Reserve, established in 1913 to oversee monetary…

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Top Republican Says Poor People Should Stop Buying iPhones, Buy Health Insurance Instead

Yesterday, the Republican party finally unveiled its new plan to replace Obamacare. And nobody knows how much it will cost or how many people will lose coverage under it. One thing we do know? House Republican Jason Chaffetz is a turd.Read more… Continue reading

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BBC Tells Facebook About Child Porn on the Network, Facebook Reports BBC to Police

Facebook has come under fire for not doing enough to police secret groups that trade child porn on the network. And in a disturbing twist, Facebook seems to be making the problem worse. When BBC journalists discovered child porn on the network and sent those images to Facebook last week, the company reported the BBC…

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That Viral Story About a Japanese Man Crushed to Death by His Porn Collection is Totally Fake

Did a man in Japan really get crushed to death by his porn collection? No. But you’d be forgiven for thinking otherwise, thanks to this dumb game of Telephone we call The Internet.

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Father John Misty Sang About Oculus Rift on SNL and I Couldn’t Close the Tab Fast Enough

I woke up to learn that Father John Misty was on Saturday Night Live last night. “Oh neat,” I thought to myself. I haven’t followed his career very closely, but I was a big fan of his 2015 record “I Love You Honeybear.” So I headed over to YouTube and fired up the first song he played last night, “Total Entertainment…

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